MAYDAY

 

 After all the self-care, physical and mental well-being I've been focused on for the past month and a half, how fitting that I'd have a challenging mental health day on the first day of May. Being that it's Mental Health Awareness Month. It wasn't just out of nowhere though. A build up of pushing down what I would deem as "negative emotions" perhaps caused me to pop today.

 

 As previously mentioned, I had been really focused on my health in all aspects for a little over a month. A much-needed visit to a new primary care doctor really made me realize how much I had been neglecting myself and I was ready to start making my well-being more of a priority the best I could.

 

  I didn't realize that perhaps I was putting all my focus into that endeavor to the point of not allowing myself to have challenging days. Days where I might feel more depressed, sad, angry. Days where I would have PTSD flashbacks or feel triggered. Perhaps it was my illogical logic that made me have unrealistic expectations of "since I'm making these positive changes, I won't feel negative emotions or have 'bad' thoughts anymore." Even though I kept telling myself that making these changes made dealing with stress more manageable than before.

 

  In the past, before making these changes, I was having a lot issues with insomnia, anxiety, depression, PTSD. Not sleeping definitely creates an environment of being less equipped to handle these stresses.

 

 This last week, I had a great week on paper. I got to hang out with my favorite person, eat great food and even do some fun activities, but there was a certain traumatic memory that kept popping back up in my head. The more I tried to push it away, the more intensely I would remember and feel the emotions of ten year old V. It was like I was that child again and I hated it.

 

 I kept telling myself "Look at all the changes you've made to NOT feel like this? Why are you feeling this? You are in control now. Why are you letting this control you? Why are you letting the cruelty of others, who you refuse to speak to anymore control you." I kept getting increasingly angry at myself for feeling that way when I had felt like I had done so much work to not feel like this.

 

  So today, when my alarm did not go off at the time I had been working so hard to build a routine around; waking up and going to bed by a set time is something I had rarely ever done in the past; It set me off. I was in a terrible mood. I saw it as "holes" in my meticulously planned out routine that I've been trying so religiously to stick to. When in reality, it was a result of pushing down feelings throughout this week that in the past, would have perhaps coped with the aid of substances. I use the term cope loosely. We could replace that with escape from.

 

 I took out my anger and frustration on my partner first thing (which I apologized to them for). To be honest, I didn't even wake up that late. I usually wake up before the alarm most days and such was the case today. The clock was an hour slower than the actual time, I thought I could sleep in or lay in bed a bit longer. The rest of the day, every minor inconvenience and mistake made me so upset with myself. Which then also added to the sensory processing issues I was having too.  

 

 The reality is that there are good days and challenging days. There is no magical, quick fix that will just make trauma go away and it's important to give ourselves grace. To allow ourselves that safe space to have those feelings.

 

  Taking care of ourselves should be the bare minimum. A given. A human right. But for many of us, we're not taught to take care of ourselves, treat our bodies like temples or have healthy boundaries. In my case, I had to sacrifice these aspects, in order to survive a very toxic childhood environment. So what may be very basic day to day practices for many, is something that I have to be very conscious of and try very hard to achieve on a daily basis.

 

  It's easier said than done, but try to go easy on yourself. I often give advice that I need to take myself. Some days may be harder than others, but it's important to identify when we're having difficult emotions. Sometimes, the ones that are more challenging to process, perhaps call for us to lean into them more. To allow ourselves to fully feel the pain. Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned in the discomfort? Perhaps there is strength to be gained there.

A Sunday Worth Appreciating

 

  Perhaps perfection doesn't exist, but today came quite close. For me, it's a day of good food, good tea, spending time with my favorite person. A much needed relaxing Sunday was in order and I was determined to have just that.

 

  After completing my morning routine; the daily standard floss, brush, skincare, makeup, green smoothie and supplements, and a comfy hoodie and leggings outfit later, we headed out for the first part of our day. Much needed caffeination.

  I've been really getting into tea lattes. English Breakfast with oat milk foam and a shot of vanilla. There's a farm shop in my city that makes it perfectly. The foam is heavenly and thick, even though I choose a non-dairy milk and the shot of vanilla just adds a little bit of flavor without too much sweetness. I also love that they use all Arbor Teas. A lose leaf company that is V approved. Though I do wish there was a wider selection of black teas. Most establishments around here only carry Earl Grey and English Breakfast and the bergamot in Earl Grey is not my cup of tea. Perhaps a nice Ceylon or Assam would be a great addition?

  Downtown Ann Arbor was crawling with people more than usual. Several students in their graduation cap and gowns. Admittedly, I'm excited for them to leave for the summer, so we can finally have our city back in peace. After getting our caffeine hit, we headed out of town to treat ourselves to some sushi. Traffic on the freeway was insane. We were perplexed as to why that might be so on a Sunday. Perhaps because of graduation? Perhaps because of the two freeway accidents? We quickly decided to exit the freeway and take local so as not to be just sitting in the traffic. Of course, I needed to use the bathroom halfway to our destination. Mainlining a 16 ounce tea latte will do that to a person with a bladder the size of a chickpea. So we stopped at a local grocery store to use the bathrooms and we were then off.

 

  Finally, reaching the Japanese grocery store, we started selecting our rolls from the cooler. Usually, I would never recommend purchasing sushi from a grocery store fridge, but this particular Japanese grocery has very fresh rolls as makes it in house and we always select the ones that are made freshest. They are nice enough to put the time of preparation on the labels. We got a few raw spicy salmon rolls, shrimp tempura and cooked pollack roll. The last one was a different pick for us and did not disappoint. We also grabbed some karage, but it seemed to have been a bit frozen when we bit into it, so we saved it for dinner. 

  Polishing off all the sushi was easy and we still had room for more, but we decided to save room for dessert later and walked it off a bit. We visited the store next door that had some Japanese stationery and several gacha machines. I was hoping to find a machine with my favorite kpop group members, but sadly no luck. The stationery selection was a bit lacking too. So we just decided to head to our next stop. DESSERT!

 

  In the spring and summer, we like to frequent an ice cream shop in this small town. My usual order is a mint chocolate chip ice cream in a waffle cone, with hardened chocolate and I also prefer to have a cup, so I can break up the pieces of the waffle cone and eat it with a spoon. Today, I decided to go a bit extra with nuts and whipped cream. I always ask for a kiddie scoop, but to me, it looks like a medium. I have no problems finishing it though. The line to the place went around the building, but if you're smart, you order inside. There are two areas to order. Outside, where they have a window and also inside of the ice cream parlor. I'm not sure why so many people choose to order outside and wait in line for so long. Perhaps they want to enjoy the weather? But introverted ass V doesn't like to deal with that shit, so we don't do that. 

  The drive home was so relaxing. The weather was beautiful and  sunset was a gorgeous pink, purple and orange. I really needed today.

  I hope you're able to take a day to relax, enjoy the weather, eat your favorite foods. Whether it's a solo self-care day or if you're sharing it with your favorite person or people. Because you deserve it. Treat Yourself!

 

 Lots of Love and Good Vibes!

 

 -V-       

 

 

 

Self-Care Week Recap

   Last week, I did my best to focus entirely on self-care. After feeling exhausted and drained, I wanted to have some time that centered around exercise, mental-health and doing all the things that re-energized and made me happy. First, self-care is an ongoing practice and just because it was my main focus for this week, doesn't mean I can't be conscious about it as a daily practice going forward. In order to do so, I've learned to be intentional and in the present moment for every act of self-care. Second, self-care comes in many forms. Not just the typical giving oneself a manicure, doing a special face mask on spa day or treating ourselves to our favorite dessert. All of which of course were included this week. It can also take the form of taking care of our minds through therapy, our bodies with exercise and eating healthy or our space with cleaning and organizing. Sometimes they are tasks we don't always have the desire to do, but prepare us to have a better day in the future.

 

  The first day of my self-care week started with going to a new Korean hot pot restaurant with my mother. I really enjoyed myself and while I love my siblings, being able to spend solo quality time with momz was great. The food was tasty and I ate more than my fair share. I really appreciated the ability to customize our dishes. We both got hot pots, but I focused mainly on grilling, ordering two orders of bulgogi (my fave) and some beef brisket. I loved that they had whole cloves of garlic that we could grill up. I may have had the garlic toots the next day, but well worth it.

 

  The next day, I had church, which for me is Zumba class. I've been doing Zumba for over a decade and it's always a great workout for my body and mind. Being able to spend time with my friends, classmates and instructors who always exude a wonderfully positive attitude truly recharges me. I'm so grateful to be a part of this wonderful community.

A cute outfit always helps, even if it's just for a workout.

 

  The same day also happens to be what could be considered an at-home spa day. The typical self-care activities of hair mask, exfoliating, doing nails usually takes place on this day. After a long shower, I enjoy a healthy meal of avocado toast, smoked salmon, a turmeric juice shot and my favorite black tea accompanied with by a couple episodes of true crime stories from my favorite Youtube murder mystery channels. The jury is still out on if I should be watching these, but I do enjoy the style of storytelling of these creators and as a woman, I feel like I need to be aware of the crazy shit against me that's out in the world. That's a whole blogpost in and of itself.

 

 On Tuesdays, we eat tacos! I'm lucky to know of an authentic place that has an incredible taco Tuesday deal that beats buying and cooking food from the grocery store. We go there so often that the owner and staff know us by name and are always so kind. My order is always the same. My favorite barbacoa tacos with avocado slices, with extra onion and cilantro. They also make their own hot salsa sauce that quite honestly should be bottled. A condiment that cannot be skipped. They really should bottle the stuff. Sometimes, they've given us giant to-go containers of it because we've raved about it so much and we will eat it for weeks. With eggs, with fries, with burgers. You name it, that hot sauce is going on it. 

Where's the extra onion and cilantro though?

  I've recently signed up for a cardio HIIT workout class on Wednesdays. It's a bit more challenging and targeted, making it a great addition to my exercise routine. What I love about it is that it's a very small class. I'm not a big fan of crowds and even if Zumba class were to be very full, it's an exception because I've taken the class for over a decade and know and am comfortable with everyone in class. Cardio HIIT usually has a maximum of two to three people per class, which means that you get more focused attention from the instructor. In the event I don't have proper form or am doing something incorrectly or not safely, it is corrected right away. I've noticed that it's been targeting parts of my body where I didn't even know I had muscle and I'm really enjoying focusing on these workouts, even though they have been extra challenging.

 

  Therapy Thursdays are self-care for my mind. Admittedly, I have a lot of stresses, anxieties, PTSD and trauma I need to work through. I first fell ill with the you know what (let's call it the 'vid) at the end of 2020 and it had done a number on my physical and mental health. Recovery is still an ongoing process. One of the negative side effects was that it had unlocked many traumas that I had pushed down for several years. My doctor, who was monitoring me for the post 'vid issues recommended I start therapy. I am grateful to have a kind and patient therapist, who has been working with me on many of these issues.

 

  Thursdays are also the first day of my stream week, but this week, I decided to take some time off streaming. I love streaming and am grateful to have the opportunity to do so. But because I had been feeling so overwhelmed, but the end of last week, I decided that it was best to take a week off and solely focus on myself. I did not want to spread my levels of negativity and stress on the stream, especially to anyone who may watch it to unwind and de-stress. It would be counterproductive. While I felt guilty doing so, I knew that if I took a week off, I would be able to come back re-energized and more able to spread positivity than if I were to come from a completely spent and depleted space.

 

  Instead, I focused on writing. Doing some creative writing, writing for fun and for this blog. My main goal was to just enjoy the process and find joy in writing again, regardless of the fact that I'm rusty. I'll admit it, I'm rusty as f*ck! And so what if no one reads it or gives a shit? You had fun, right? You got to use your keyboards you love so much! Sorry, I got carried away talking to myself and justifying my "audacity to post my bullshit writing on the internet." Hah! *cringes*

Call me a keyboard connoisseur!

                                             

  Friday was a true day of vegetation. I told myself that I would try my best to be productive in the things I enjoyed doing this week and would take minimal days of doing nothing. Friday was a much needed day of just relaxing on the couch and catching up on my favorite shows.

 

  Most of Saturday was spent writing. I woke up and slowly started my day by showering and doing my makeup. I enjoy doing my makeup, even on the days I don't plan on leaving the house. Maybe even moreso on the days I stay home because I do it for myself. The practice helps me be productive in other aspects of my life like writing. I was able to get a decent amount written. As most other days, I dropped by on my Friends' streams. I don't always chat, but I'm always sure to lurk to show my support and appreciation. 

 

A lil' treat yourself moment brought you by Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies.

...and of course, my classic everyday fave, cream black tea

 Some Sundays are a semi day of rest for my partner. Depending on how they're feeling, they'll either take a fewer delivery orders than a full day or none at all. This last Sunday, we enjoyed a delicious feast from our favorite Indian place. Chicken biryani, with a side of lamb keema samosas and keema naan. The chicken biryani is from their special "Indo-Chinese" menu. The chicken is called chicken 65. Lightly breaded and possible Szechuan flavoring. I particularly love the samosa here because there is an incredible addictive masala powder that is sprinkled on the outside of the samosa. "Can I just lay down, open wide and you can sprinkle that masala powder into my gob?" is what I want to ask the Auntie at the front of the house. I know it sounds suss, but I mean it in the most literal way. Gimme dat masala powder because I'm addicted to it!

 

   

Lamb, potato and pea goodness wrapped in a delicious samosa shell, flavored with a sprinkling of that addictive masala powder

Amazing chicken biryani with chicken 65 pieces in basmati rice, topped with red onion. *chef's kiss*

  What I've learned from this week is that no matter what's going on, even if I'm doing my best to take a week off to focus on myself, life is still going to throw curve balls. Even during said week and I have to to my best to take things in stride and focus on the present moment. Each self-care event needs to be very purposeful and conscious and even though I took a week to relax and take care of myself, the following week still had a whole host of obstacles waiting for me. Yet, taking that time to really delve into recharging and making it a priority was truly helpful. The process was restorative and being very focused and taking notes throughout was helpful in how I would pace myself for better mental health in future. My hopes are to take what I've learned from self-care week and put it into practice going forward. 

  Even if you don't have a week. If you have a spare day or even a few hours, I highly encourage you to focus on yourself. To recharge and re-energize. Do the things you love and enjoy. Do the things that fill your cup and take care of you! Honor yourself. You'll be glad you did. 

The Self-Care Guilt

 

 More often than not, I often dispense advice that I don't take myself. I'll tell my friends to take time out for self care and yet, when it comes to myself, I feel guilty for doing the same. This week, I needed to shut off. With everything going on in my personal life, in the US and the world, I've been feeling so mentally and emotionally drained. While I always try to be energetic and exude positivity on my streams, I felt that I was just not able to bring my best this week. Which in turn made me feel so guilty to take that time away for myself.

 

 Under no circumstances am I of the impression that I am the be all end all for people. But on the off chance that even one person shows up to my streams to just relax, unwind and find solace in that safe space that I try my best to cultivate; I feel like I've failed them. I do everything I can to create that space, provide support and good vibes. Even on days where I feel like I'm running on empty, which to be honest, has been feeling like most days lately. But this week was just too heavy and I've been feeling as though I'm crumbling under the weight of it all and I genuinely don't want to bring that energy to my streams.

 

 Guilt aside, taking some time to myself this week seemed like the appropriate thing to do. Lest I drown under the weight of the overwhelm. While no one needs permission to take some time to take a breath, I'm grateful for the people who have supported me in this decision. Having a good support system is such a saving grace in times like this.

 

 So what does self care look like this week? I don’t want to spend the entirety of this time rotting on the couch and staring at the wall, dreading life and feeling depleted, even though it does feel appealing to just couch rot. Sitting in freeze mode in an existential crisis is far from the solution. Yet I also don't want to pressure myself to be insanely productive and then feel terrible for not enough done. I want to do the things I enjoy, without any expectation of any specific outcome, other than just filling my mental and emotional cup.

 

 I suppose that's why I'm making an attempt to write again. I haven't touched this blog in over a year. Funnily enough, my last post being about trying to write again all the way in August of 2023. It'll happen when it happens. But perhaps I just need to try my best to set aside time to write. Perhaps start with 30 minutes every other day and hopefully those 30 minutes extend to more time as I start working towards some sort of flow.

 

 There are so many goals that I've set for myself that feel so far away or unattainable. One of which is eventually moving to an ideal place where I can finally have the life and routine that I so wish to have. I'd like to be able to get there by somehow doing the things I enjoy or perhaps utilizing the skills I already have and stop being so scared all the time. That is precisely why I want to start doing more of the things I enjoy in hopes to make something of it. Perhaps an income?

 

 Yet there is a fine line between doing something we love and then putting pressure on ourselves with the expectations of turning it into some sort of positive financial outcome. I don’t want to start hating the things I love and then feel like I have to constantly churn out content as a means of income.

 

 There is no getting anywhere without trying. I suppose I have stop making excuses and get over my fear of failure. Now's a better time than any, right?

 

 The goal for this week:

 

   1. Set aside time for self care, which I have with going to Zumba and my HIIT workout classes. Indulging in some of my favorite foods, catching up on shows and movies and listening to good music. I also want to crack open my brand new B5 journal as well as finish up and update my everyday bullet journal. 

 

   2. Set aside time for creative endeavors in the form of writing or perhaps even creating content. I find it challenging to stream and simultaneously post on all the various social media platforms. So my trade-off for this week will be to attempt to try and post on at least two platforms or two posts on one platform. I will count this blog post as one, so we're already on our way.

 

   3. Create some sort of routine for said endeavors to become a habit. This will be the challenging step.

 

  If you're feeling overwhelmed, I hope you are able to take some time to recharge in the ways you need. Partake in enjoyable activities, surround yourself with positive energies, spend quality time with good people. Treat yourself to good food, fun and the self care that makes you feel whole again. You deserve it. Sending you all my love and good vibes. You're not alone.  

October Writing Challenge

   During the end of August of this year, I gave myself a challenge of completing one blog post a week. Every Wednesday in September was set to be “Workflow Wednesdays,” where I utilize the Pomodoro productivity method to complete writing challenges on my twitch stream. It was a move to get me to start writing and posting in my blog more often.

  It was successful up to a certain point. I had completed one blog post a week for the first two weeks. The third week, I had other important tasks that needed to be completed within a certain time, so that is what I tackled for that week.

   The fourth week, I had run into some intense personal emergencies that kept me from streaming on the last Wednesday of September, causing me to miss out on what would have been my third and last blog post for that month.

   Nonetheless, I am still going to keep to my weekly challenge of completing one post every Wednesday. I had initially planned on completing four posts in the month of September. Extenuating circumstances made it challenging to complete, but I am adamant on taking on the challenge again this month.

   So here we go again. For the month of October, I am making a goal (like last month) of completing one blog post a week. I am doing my best not to pressure myself too much. If I have no idea on what to write about, then I’ll let it go for that week.

   I am hopeful and excited to take on this challenge again and perhaps it will be an ongoing one for the rest of the 2023 calendar year. Productivity streams have been really helpful on accomplishing this goal and providing a space and the vibes to co-work with others has been very enjoyable as well. I’ve been having a lot of fun selecting relaxing background music and ASMR sounds to work to. I hope more and more people can join the co-working fun on stream, so we can all accomplish what we need to get done together as a community! OctoDer, let's do this!

"Productivity" Wreaks of Colonial and Patriarchal Values

  Last week was the first time I tried out the Pomodoro Productivity method and I think I can call it a success. I was able to complete an entire blog post, so I gave myself a challenge of completing one blog post every week for the rest of September. Since we’ve been utilizing Wednesday streams for productivity, what better way to get some posts done? This got me thinking about a separate issue. Productivity and how it correlates to our sense of accomplishment and how that could affect one’s mental health.

  How many times can you remember someone asking about how much you “got done” or if you “used your time wisely?” How often have you felt the pang of guilt for not being productive enough? Not getting enough done? And who is the be all end all judge of all this?

  Personally, the concept of productivity or lack thereof have always felt like colonial and patriarchal values. A high level of productivity leads to a high level of output. Who are we being productive for? And why is there always a high level of guilt and shame attached with the lack of productivity? The fucked up patriarchal society has us trained well.

  Brandilyn Tebo's post on How colonization gave rise to the productivity myth explores exactly that. How a high level of productivity is praised as it is a masculine and patriarchal value.

  The way I see it, we never chose to be born. Yet, we are expected to keep ourselves alive. “Earn your keep,” is the phrase. But again, to earn your keep, I respond with ”I never chose to be born. I never chose this life.“ So why is it now my responsibility to struggle to stay alive?

  A couple years ago I had fallen ill with Covid. This was well before the vaccines were available to the public. The long Covid symptoms that followed were endless. As a result of undiagnosed neurodivergence in childhood, I had always had difficulties with focus my entire life, but have always been able to manage without medication. After being sick, the depression, physical and neurological issues that followed were endless and I find that I’m still battling them to this day. Unlike before, I wasn’t able to “force” myself to concentrate. Getting even the most simplest of tasks done still feels impossible.

   These recent personal struggles with my own productivity have me questioning the entire ideology of productivity itself all together. Not being diagnosed as neurodivergent at a young age, made for several challenges and struggles in my youth. I never understood why it took me triple the time to study for a test as my peers to receive the same grade. Being able to focus was always a major challenge and I often had difficulties with studying and homework. Many family members who would try to help me focus would chalk it up to “laziness” or a lack of work ethic and this has haunted me throughout my entire life. I often find myself extremely self-conscious and doing everything I can to not be seen as “lazy” or someone who has no work ethic. I always questioned why certain things seemed so effortless for some, yet so unbearably difficult for me.

   This is even worse as a woman, because all too often we are looked at as baby producers. “You don’t want kids?” Some ask this almost as if it an audacious choice. How dare I, as a woman decide to neglect my sole purpose?! The topic of reproducing and my thoughts on the matter is an entirely separate post. Yes, she’s got a lot to say on that.

  If we are not productive. If we don’t “produce,” we are seen as lazy, a loser, not “giving back” to a society we never chose to be a part of, but now are stuck within it. Can’t a bitch just live?

  So what would you be doing if you didn’t feel forced to pander to the patriarchy and be productive? I’d love everyday to be peaceful. I’d love to relax. You may view it as lazy, but if I told you my entire life story, I promise you would agree and say it is deserved. And even if it wasn’t, is it your call to make?

Workflow Wednesdays: Testing out the Pomodoro Method

 

   Testing out the Pomodoro productivity method for the first time today. A big thanks to my friend, CorpseCreator77 who told me about this productivity hack. I needed something to help me focus on things that I've been wanting to get done for a while, but have been having a challenging time with starting.

  The Pomodoro method is where one focuses on a task for 25 minutes, followed by 5 minutes of break or rest. Each 25 minute increment is known as a Pomodoro. Currently, I am utilizing this method for the first time on stream as I am typing out this post.

  A little background into me and why I decided to try out this method. Admittedly, I have been having some serious focus issues as of recently (more on that in the next paragraph); and being neurodivergent, this has been a challenge for most of my life as well. Growing up, I never understood why it would take me triple the amount of time to study for an exam to get the same grade as my peers. It was frustrating to say the least, yet being the "good lil Asian," I still worked very hard to maintain good grades throughout my schooling career.

  Another more recent reason why keeping focused has been so challenging for me is because I had gotten Covid twice. The first time was in late 2020 before any vaccines were available to the public. Recovering from that was truly a battle. 

  Since having covid twice and also suffering from long covid. I’ve noticed a severe lapse in my attention span and ability to focus. There was a slew, a laundry list of long covid symptoms. Severe exhaustion, lethargy, depression, lack of focus, sudden joint swelling, bouts of nausea, body aches to just name a few.

  Currently, I am in my first 25 minute increment. It feels like a lot longer than I initially imagined. I am only five minutes into it and already feel like I’ve written quite a bit. 

  My hopes with this is to challenge myself to start focusing on the things I want to do. One of which is to start posting on this blog more consistently. Sure a blog in 2023 may not being the wisest decision. Who even reads blogs anymore, let along frequents one? But I've been feeling like I need to do something with my Journalism degree.

  I feel so out of practice and would really like to start writing again. I'm not saying I'm an amazing writer, but it's something I truly used to enjoy and I would like to get back into it again to at the very least, feel like I'm using my Journalism degree for something. I don't want to feel like I'm in massive amounts of student debt for no reason.   

  I started with writing for the blog first in hopes that the creative freedom would also get my juices flowing to begin writing out outlines for Youtube. A project that I've been wanting to start for a number of years, but found many reasons (excuses) to put it off. 

  Since 2008, friends and family have been encouraging me to start a Youtube channel. At that time, I had just landed my first "big" makeup job with a global brand. I felt there was no way I could juggle having a full time job and a Youtube channel simultaneously. 

 Knowing what I now know about Youtube (which isn't much), I was right. There was no way I would have been able to dedicate the time and energy required to have a successful Youtube channel while also working a very tiring full time job. One or the other would have suffered. But who knows, 2008 was very different time. Perhaps I wouldn't have needed to put in as much work into the channel as I would now? I don't know.

  Sometimes I ask myself if the "market is too saturated?" Everyone does everything on Youtube. Anything that I'd want to do has already been done. But I try to tell myself, these are all excuses that play like a broken record in my head. Discouraging myself from starting the channel. Something that I've always wanted to do since 2008, but never felt "ready" or "good enough." Imposter syndrome is real in this one. 

  Into my third Pomodoro increment. I've found that each 25 minute increment does feel longer than I thought. So far, I'm happy to report that I was indeed able to be productive and focus on this post. I am in the currently in the editing stage. The first Pomodoro, I just word vomited. The second and third, I edited everything I had written and added a bit more. 

  Currently in the fourth Pomodoro increment and I am in the stage of editing and finishing up the post. I am very pleasantly surprised at the outcome as it also had me revise my work a few times more than I normally would. So this method not only effectively had me successfully focus, but also had me be more thorough in my work with editing and revising more than I usually would.

  For the rest of September, I'd like to make use of the remaining Wednesdays of the month as "Workflow Wednesdays" on stream. It seems to keep me accountable in completing the task I set fourth for myself.  Perhaps sometimes (or even every time) utilizing the Pomodoro Productivity method, since it was so successful.