Last week was the first time I tried out the Pomodoro Productivity method and I think I can call it a success. I was able to complete an entire blog post, so I gave myself a challenge of completing one blog post every week for the rest of September. Since we’ve been utilizing Wednesday streams for productivity, what better way to get some posts done? This got me thinking about a separate issue. Productivity and how it correlates to our sense of accomplishment and how that could affect one’s mental health.
How many times can you remember someone asking about how much you “got done” or if you “used your time wisely?” How often have you felt the pang of guilt for not being productive enough? Not getting enough done? And who is the be all end all judge of all this?
Personally, the concept of productivity or lack thereof have always felt like colonial and patriarchal values. A high level of productivity leads to a high level of output. Who are we being productive for? And why is there always a high level of guilt and shame attached with the lack of productivity? The fucked up patriarchal society has us trained well.
Brandilyn Tebo's post on How colonization gave rise to the productivity myth explores exactly that. How a high level of productivity is praised as it is a masculine and patriarchal value.
The way I see it, we never chose to be born. Yet, we are expected to keep ourselves alive. “Earn your keep,” is the phrase. But again, to earn your keep, I respond with ”I never chose to be born. I never chose this life.“ So why is it now my responsibility to struggle to stay alive?
A couple years ago I had fallen ill with Covid. This was well before the vaccines were available to the public. The long Covid symptoms that followed were endless. As a result of undiagnosed neurodivergence in childhood, I had always had difficulties with focus my entire life, but have always been able to manage without medication. After being sick, the depression, physical and neurological issues that followed were endless and I find that I’m still battling them to this day. Unlike before, I wasn’t able to “force” myself to concentrate. Getting even the most simplest of tasks done still feels impossible.
These recent personal struggles with my own productivity have me questioning the entire ideology of productivity itself all together. Not being diagnosed as neurodivergent at a young age, made for several challenges and struggles in my youth. I never understood why it took me triple the time to study for a test as my peers to receive the same grade. Being able to focus was always a major challenge and I often had difficulties with studying and homework. Many family members who would try to help me focus would chalk it up to “laziness” or a lack of work ethic and this has haunted me throughout my entire life. I often find myself extremely self-conscious and doing everything I can to not be seen as “lazy” or someone who has no work ethic. I always questioned why certain things seemed so effortless for some, yet so unbearably difficult for me.
This is even worse as a woman, because all too often we are looked at as baby producers. “You don’t want kids?” Some ask this almost as if it an audacious choice. How dare I, as a woman decide to neglect my sole purpose?! The topic of reproducing and my thoughts on the matter is an entirely separate post. Yes, she’s got a lot to say on that.
If we are not productive. If we don’t “produce,” we are seen as lazy, a loser, not “giving back” to a society we never chose to be a part of, but now are stuck within it. Can’t a bitch just live?
So what would you be doing if you didn’t feel forced to pander to the patriarchy and be productive? I’d love everyday to be peaceful. I’d love to relax. You may view it as lazy, but if I told you my entire life story, I promise you would agree and say it is deserved. And even if it wasn’t, is it your call to make?
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