The Self-Care Guilt

 

 More often than not, I often dispense advice that I don't take myself. I'll tell my friends to take time out for self care and yet, when it comes to myself, I feel guilty for doing the same. This week, I needed to shut off. With everything going on in my personal life, in the US and the world, I've been feeling so mentally and emotionally drained. While I always try to be energetic and exude positivity on my streams, I felt that I was just not able to bring my best this week. Which in turn made me feel so guilty to take that time away for myself.

 

 Under no circumstances am I of the impression that I am the be all end all for people. But on the off chance that even one person shows up to my streams to just relax, unwind and find solace in that safe space that I try my best to cultivate; I feel like I've failed them. I do everything I can to create that space, provide support and good vibes. Even on days where I feel like I'm running on empty, which to be honest, has been feeling like most days lately. But this week was just too heavy and I've been feeling as though I'm crumbling under the weight of it all and I genuinely don't want to bring that energy to my streams.

 

 Guilt aside, taking some time to myself this week seemed like the appropriate thing to do. Lest I drown under the weight of the overwhelm. While no one needs permission to take some time to take a breath, I'm grateful for the people who have supported me in this decision. Having a good support system is such a saving grace in times like this.

 

 So what does self care look like this week? I don’t want to spend the entirety of this time rotting on the couch and staring at the wall, dreading life and feeling depleted, even though it does feel appealing to just couch rot. Sitting in freeze mode in an existential crisis is far from the solution. Yet I also don't want to pressure myself to be insanely productive and then feel terrible for not enough done. I want to do the things I enjoy, without any expectation of any specific outcome, other than just filling my mental and emotional cup.

 

 I suppose that's why I'm making an attempt to write again. I haven't touched this blog in over a year. Funnily enough, my last post being about trying to write again all the way in August of 2023. It'll happen when it happens. But perhaps I just need to try my best to set aside time to write. Perhaps start with 30 minutes every other day and hopefully those 30 minutes extend to more time as I start working towards some sort of flow.

 

 There are so many goals that I've set for myself that feel so far away or unattainable. One of which is eventually moving to an ideal place where I can finally have the life and routine that I so wish to have. I'd like to be able to get there by somehow doing the things I enjoy or perhaps utilizing the skills I already have and stop being so scared all the time. That is precisely why I want to start doing more of the things I enjoy in hopes to make something of it. Perhaps an income?

 

 Yet there is a fine line between doing something we love and then putting pressure on ourselves with the expectations of turning it into some sort of positive financial outcome. I don’t want to start hating the things I love and then feel like I have to constantly churn out content as a means of income.

 

 There is no getting anywhere without trying. I suppose I have stop making excuses and get over my fear of failure. Now's a better time than any, right?

 

 The goal for this week:

 

   1. Set aside time for self care, which I have with going to Zumba and my HIIT workout classes. Indulging in some of my favorite foods, catching up on shows and movies and listening to good music. I also want to crack open my brand new B5 journal as well as finish up and update my everyday bullet journal. 

 

   2. Set aside time for creative endeavors in the form of writing or perhaps even creating content. I find it challenging to stream and simultaneously post on all the various social media platforms. So my trade-off for this week will be to attempt to try and post on at least two platforms or two posts on one platform. I will count this blog post as one, so we're already on our way.

 

   3. Create some sort of routine for said endeavors to become a habit. This will be the challenging step.

 

  If you're feeling overwhelmed, I hope you are able to take some time to recharge in the ways you need. Partake in enjoyable activities, surround yourself with positive energies, spend quality time with good people. Treat yourself to good food, fun and the self care that makes you feel whole again. You deserve it. Sending you all my love and good vibes. You're not alone.